How the hell is anyone expected to tie themselves down, find a career, reproduce, work their tails off and then die without exploring places like this? I seriously cannot understand it. I can’t imagine my life ending up like that. And I know it has its perks; it’s not that I am against that lifestyle. I just am excessively for the other way. So as of now my plan is to see this place. And Fiji. I want to go to Fiji. I’ve never been happier and more content than at the top of a mountain or on the bottom of an ocean. I have my primal instincts just like everyone else but they aren’t quite satisfying. But places like this, they never get old. I know I probably sound like a cliche traveler. I’ve always quoted Camus; “Wandering seemed no more than the happiness of an anxious man.” And right now, this is conflicting with me. I am wondering what he meant, what I meant. I have watched so many friends with so much judgement go on mission trips and spring break vacations. I have always been a proponent of contentedness, but now I am looking to satisfy something that seems as far from that satisfaction as possible.

I do believe the key can be distraction. People often say “worry about your own problems,” but I think that can be the ticket to making them worse. Depression often becomes apparent in middle aged women whose kids have moved out. With their offspring gone, it seems they are without the distraction from their own issues. I have found happiness in setting my sights on a career or a sport without thinking much about the worth of the action.But I only have one chance with this gig and I’m thinking distraction isn’t such a great way to do it.

I want to hug big ass trees that I’ve never seen before and congratulate them on being so big. I want to stand at the base of one of those pillars in that picture. I want to swim over the Great Barrier Reef and experience the pain of a box jellyfish sting just to better understand. I want to sleep on a sandy beach of an uninhabited island in Fiji. And at the end of all this, I want to be so full of awe at all this cool crap that we have here in this little spaceship that I am content with peacing out.